Nine men and another one to forget

Queen's Park 1 Stranraer 3

Queen's Park: McPherson, Little, Meggatt, McGinn, Brough, McBride, Watt, Anderson, Daly, Quinn, Harkins. Subs: Gallacher, Murray, Smith, Lachlan, Strain (GK). Stranraer - David Mitchell, Grant Gallagher, Noble, Murphy, Declan Gallagher, Agnew, One, Danny Mitchell, Malcolm, Winter, McColm. Subs: Moore, McAuliffe, Bouadji, Cochrane, Marshall (OK). Referee - Thomas Robertson.

When Homer arrived at Hampden Park today he expected to see the stadium flooded with mountain rescue teams, Sea King helicopters and any ambulance crews who weren't on their teabreak.
But all the victims had been tidied away after this morning's infamous Hampden Climb, that annual hurt-fest which doubles as Queen's Park's biggest fundraising event of the year.
The object is to run, walk or crawl - or usually all three - up and down the 43 aisles inside the National Stadium, having first raised lots of sponsorship for the club coffers to recognise your considerable efforts. It should be BUPA sponsorship, judging from the post-purgatory coughers among the participants, and Homer has made a mental note to suggest on future climbs the club collect all money pledges BEFORE letting loose some of the geriatrics.
It's a bit like the travelling salesman cut in half by a combined harvester, and his office asking for the speedy return of the half containing his order book.
There are said to be around 2500 steps on those 43 Hampden aisles and that old fool Gulliver sits beside me now looking like a man who has trod every last one of them, which he did this morning. Of course, it has to be said Gulliver looks in much the same dishevelled state every home game, but so far his eyes remain open, as does his mouth, seeking air.
Of course, Homer would have joined his venerable friend onwards and upwards had he not been on reporting duty today. All that pre-match preparation takes it out a chap, you know. But Gulliver did hit me for sponsorship.
One can only hope none of the Queen's Park squad were involved in this morning's caper. They have a daunting enough climb on their hands in the Third Division.
Last time they were at HQ Homer was not alone in singing their praises after a 5-2 drubbing of Arbroath. How times change.
Since then we've lost at Elgin and suffered arguably the worst result in our history, certainly in living memory.
How can a team that dumps Arbroath - and can beat Livingston remember - succumb so tamely against Bo'ness United Juniors?
And the following week get a 1-1 draw at Berwick that very nearly was a victory?
If Gardner Speirs knew the answer to that there would be no other candidate for The Special One.
Today's it's those big country lads from Stranraer, leaders of the Third Division. We lost 1-0 down there in September and no-one - not even Keith Knox with a cattle prod - will ever convince Homer that we should not have won that day.
But that's Queen's Park. As inconsistent as any politician.
We haven't beaten Stranraer in the league since March 31, 2001. We haven't won any of our last 13 matches against them. Go figure. At least Gardner Speirs had a strong squad available today, with only Guiseppe Capuano out injured and Jack Henry still called away on work commitments.
So it was no surprise when he started with the same team that kicked off against Berwick. The only changes were on the bench, with Lachlan and Smith coming in for Eaglesham and O'Hara.
It was a cagey opening, from both teams. They were sounding each other out, with Brough in action early challenging the giant Armand One to high through balls, an obvious tactic for the much taller visitors today.
It was seven minutes before either keeper was called on to get his gloves on the ball, McBride trying to repeat his long-range scoring effort at Berwick but failing to catch it right and Mitchell saved comfortably.
Chuckie Watt won a foul on 11 minutes, 20 yards out, and his early initiative with a quick free kick only just failed to deliver when Quinn had strayed offside in the box.
David Anderson made a fine headed clearance in the box after Meggatt had committed himself in a challenge on Winter, who had got in a dangerous cross.
McPherson was under pressure as he rose to punch Agnew's free kick in 16 minutes. Brough headed it behind and from the corner Queen's got lucky when the unmarked Declan Gallagher headed against a post.
And we had another let-off when Little missed a cross and the prolific Malcolm - eight goals since signing from Arthurlie - had a free header which he put wide.
But such minor dramas were quickly forgotten as Queen's took a thrilling lead in 17 minutes. McBride put Watt clear on the right and his low cross was met at the near post by Harkins and guided with the most delicate of touches over keeper Mitchell and into the far corner. A very nice move and wonderful touch by the inventive Harkins in only his third start of an injury-troubled season.
Gulliver was fully awake now and he was screaming for a penalty two minutes later when Watt's shot seemed to strike a Stranraer hand. No deal, said the ref, who was to deny a second penalty shout from Queen's and again for hand ball.
Ricky Little took a dull one from his own keeper as McPherson left his line to punch clear but he was OK after treatment.
It wasn't a bad game and Queen's were certainly looking up for it.
A lovely move in 32 minutes almost had Queen's 2-0 up. Watt was again involved, skinning Noble to the byline on the right and sending in a low cutback that Daly back heeled only for Mitchell to save at full stretch.
Referee Robertson, moments after a bizarre corner decision against McGinn, played a good advantage as Watt was decked by Danny Mitchell. The ball was fed through to McBride, who bore down on goal but didn't get his shot right and Mitchell saved comfortably.
Watt was involved in most good things for Queen's. A great run into the box was stopped only by a fine Declan Gallagher tackle and then he just failed to find Daly with a cross.
Little was booked for a foul on Agnew and from the free kick, at least 35 yards out, Agnew rattled the ball off the bar and over.
We were 40 minutes in and Queen's were more than holding their own. Watt skinned Noble again and McBride's flick from the cross only just eluded Harkins in the box.
Half-time: Queen's Park 1 Stranraer 0
Sheets of rain greeted the second half and a nice opening by Queen's, with neat interplay leading to a nice cross from McBride that Mitchell punched away off Daly's head.
Agnew was supplying most of Stranraer's creative work and his pass put One to the byline for a cross that Little put behind.
Queen's were under serious pressure from the corner, with McPherson's punch not going far enough and Daly TWICE having to head off the line as Stranraer played pin-ball with Queen's attempted clearances.
This was spirited stuff from Queen's against a physically much bigger side, and Grant Gallagher was booked for tugging back Harkins.
Meggatt's long through ball was chased and won by Watt down the left but his cross was knocked away from Daly for a corner.
Brough got on the end of McBride's flag kick and sent the ball back into goal where Quinn rose and headed the ball off keeper Mitchell for another corner.
Stranraer sent on Moore for McColm in 59 and the veteran wily striker went to ground for his first free kick inside a minute.
Queen's had a huge escape from the free kick. McPherson failed to hold the cross and One shot against the post before Little bundled his second effort for a corner.
Watt had run himself into the ground and departed with cramp in 63 minutes to be replaced by Smith, but not before some pantomime involving the referee, who had called for the stretcher.
You had to say, some of the Queen's impetus departed with the lively Watt.
We had been living dangerously and Malcolm should have done better when in the clear he headed over from eight yards after Agnew's cross.
Mr Robertson was proving to be an eccentric official. Smith was booked for dissent after complaining Stranraer were stealing 10 yards at a free kick and Harkins suffered the same fate for some reason as he was going off to be replaced by Murray.
Referees do make a rod for their own back, it has to be said. A good game was being spoiled. Neil Lennon doesn't know the half of it.
Queen's weren't making it any easier for themselves and we inevitably conceded TWO goals in two minutes with some very sloppy play.
The equaliser came in 74 minutes, but while Queen's had been riding their luck there was a huge slice of fortune to the Stranraer goal.
One, after a poor pass by Daly, saw his shot take a wild deflection off a Queen's player and completely wrongfoot McPherson.
Two minutes later it was Smith's turn to give the ball away with a dreadful pass and Moore accepted it to score with a shot that McPherson touched but could not stop.
You had to say Stranraer had looked good for a goal but they certainly didn't need our help.
McPherson had to be alert at his near post to turn away a Moore shot in 82 but the keeper's luck at set pieces in the land of the giants ran out at the corner as he failed to cut out the kick and Declan Gallacher headed a third.
The collapse was emphatic, our rhythm gone after Watt departed.
That wasn't the only thing gone and departed. Our discipline went also with TWO red cards.
Brough was shown a straight red after an incident brought to the referee's attention by the stand-side linesman via Stranraer coach Knox.
And before play had restarted McBride was also sent off, presumably for his critique on the referee's performance. And the standside linesman was up the tunnel like a rabbit as soon as the full-time whistle went. Says it all, really.
A shambles of a finish for Queen's. Back to the drawing board.